I am waiting to begin a four month stint that will yield different results.
I come from a dark and twisty place full of self-loathing and worry. The past five months have been rough.
I see the light. I've stepped out of darkness and I'm walking towards forgiveness.
I love my life. Truly, I am blessed and grateful and recognize the joy that surrounds me.
I trust that I am strong enough to face my fears.
I believe in myself. Because when I haven't, the inevitable spiral downward that goes with embracing the cup half empty just sucks. I remember a previous me, when I didn't question whether my dreams would be fulfilled, I knew they would and worked towards making that my reality. Slowly, insidiously, the negative has permeated and persevered and now that I'm aware of it, I'm working hard towards changing it.
I find myself in a better place than I was just a month ago, despite the continued shit storm that surrounds me. I find myself missing the happiness project, missing the focus on the good and happy in my life. Because the parallel universe that always exists in the crap, reveals the beauty of this life and I want to actively acknowledge that with a new (to me) project that came to me this morning.
I wonder about the course this year will take. And then I remember to breathe.
I call in, (and upon), my imagination to inspire and carry me through those moments when I've been at my lowest. Knowing my creativity can often be sparked when I'm at my most introspective, diligently carrying a notebook and pen for jotting my thoughts down.
I found out who's on my team and who isn't. When the chips are down, you learn a lot about yourself; who stands shoulder to shoulder with you and who has walked the other way. Inevitably there will be loss, but I've come to accept that our paths will lead us where we need to go. That relationships aren't always forever and that there will be people who come into my life for periods of time. Sometimes it's a for a life time. Mostly there's a duration that will run its course and rather than mourn what has passed, I'm learning to embrace the gifts that remain.
