We learn things about ourselves when we're going through heavy life changes. I've tried to keep myself open to possibilities, (hoping, wishing), looking for signs from my sister, seeking my spiritual self and realizing that I don't know what that means.
Jewish I am, but only in the words "I'm Jewish." We aren't religious and we aren't raising our daughter with any of the religion behind the ritual, but it's the ritual of Judaism that appeals to me. Just as the rituals of the Celts drew me in during art school and later, the wisdom of the Wiccans. A combination of wanting to be just like Sally Owen and needing the pomp and circumstance associated with traditions and rituals.
I devour books about healers and herbal women and I'm continually on the lookout for signs from the universe: animal totems and messages that will reveal the spirit world I so strongly feel.
Again, my acupuncturist reminded me that my wants aren't should's, that this is unfolding in the way that it will. All I can do is move through this life seeking and learning; reminding, (over and over again), that I can't force manifestation, that the totems that will guide me aren't always going to be the sweet little animals and birds of my choice.
It's the noticing that is important, being open to the gifts that are before me if I choose to see.
