Sometimes I feel like the biggest fraud, moving though my life with a smile on my face that masks this crushing depression.
Sometimes I feel like I'm fucking nuts because I can go through my life with a smile on my face, laughing and enjoying myself, all the while knowing that there's this heavy, gray, sadness that surrounds and permeates.
Sometimes I don't understand how it can be worse than it already has been, knowing that since her last memorial, this heavy depression, preening as the blues, as camouflage to the mean reds.
I know that eventually it will get better, because after this many years I know I can expect the continuity of forward momentum.
But sometimes, I wish for right now.
