circling

I'm a big believer in following your heart and dreams, in pushing aside your fears and the shit talking that keeps us small.  I think that life is too short to let fear be a motivator. And this coming from someone who dances with the insidious shape-shifter that is fear, the girl that has allowed fear to be my gate-keeper.

I believe that putting oneself out there in this way when you've finally reached the  stage of taking that leap can be a bit of a slippery slope of expectations; even when you're very certain of yours, believing there's an understanding of what's expected. 

Here's the truth: expectations can fuck you up. Even if you're really clear about what you want, (like I've believed myself to be on more than one occasion, ahem), things come up that weren't visualized, charted or even imagined. 

The old adage, 'be careful what you wish for', is one I think about a lot. Not in a negative connotation, but curiously. Many layers and elements become reality when dreams begin to come true. There have been times I've thought after the fact, maybe this would have been this if I'd known that, you know what I mean?

I've become much better about not attaching so much of myself, (read: my heart, my soul, and especially, my ego), to my work. That's not to say that I'm not disappointed when I don't get selected for a gallery show, or that I don't send myself down a pity party path when I'm in a creative slump. I'm right there, the first one to start lurking around online, finding exactly what I need to make myself feel like crap. Thankfully, those instances are less frequent and when I do find myself sliding down the path of 'woe is me', the disappointment doesn't linger for days on end.


A creative life is deeply personal, it just is. My work is going to speak to you or it isn't, and just like the next person, it's all fair game. Like any creative endeavor, subjectivity is at its core. We all know what we like and don't like, it's a fact. Curators are trained to be less subjective, but creatives have a vision and as such, there is no way around it. 

I draw comfort from this in an odd way, knowing that there are trends in everything and I've never been trendy, despite my desire to be such. 

And so it goes.