When I decided to go to acupuncture school, I made the decision to stop working as a creative. Literally weeks before I began the four year program, I received a call asking me to come for a final interview for a sweet, design position with the city of New York. I'd interviewed for the job months earlier; I hadn't heard and assumed, (wrongly), that I wasn't a candidate. It was down to me and one other person and I politely and respectfully declined. I felt that I needed to close the door completely before I could walk into something new.
And I did. I stopped being creative and focused on Chinese Medicine and I was blissed out. I'd never been an academic and my school was heavy on the academics and western science, giving me the opportunity to see myself in a different way.
It was working through The Artist Way five years ago that lead me back to my creative self. It was the weekly artist dates that lead me to picking up a camera, photo walking the streets of New York City, learning how to frame a shot. My prior experience in an undergrad photography elective was the classic tale of being crushed by harsh criticism in art school* and I literally could not take a good photo for twenty years. Really. M was always the photographer for us, our honeymoon photos are mostly me mugging for the camera, with the occasional good, (and very random), photo I'd take of him when I didn't cut off his head, his legs, or frame the shot so you wouldn't know what I was shooting.
I love being an acupuncturist. I'm passionate about my work, I love helping people, hearing their stories, figuring out how to help. But my passion is photography. I'd always felt a need to make a distinction between the two, until late winter when I read Brene Brown's book and truly understood that I don't have to choose. I don't have to be one thing or another. I knew that, but I also felt the need to make a distinction that I'm not really a photographer because I make my living poking people.
I didn't realize when I chose the word grow this year, that it would also be about working hard to remove my cloak of invisibility; to really stop using the words that deflect, words that have helped me keep the definition of myself small.
This year, I've redefined myself as a slash.
Hi, I'm Kristen. I'm an acupucturist and a photographer and it's lovely to meet you.
*As an interior design major, we weren't thought of as part of the 'real' art school, (read the fine artists), so the electives, (we had to take electives outside of our major), could be traumatic. Teachers were just as judgmental as fellow students about the artist vs. designer.
