SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2011 AT 3:20PM
Do you believe in signs?
When you get a sign, or something auspicious happens, do you acknowledge it or let it slide?
Oh hindsight, you fickle little primadonna! I can look at the last eighteen months since we landed here in Los Angeles and I can see clearly what I overlooked, but I think that it's my way. To ruminate and cling onto what was, even as change whips my face like the wind; the chapped marks clearly delinated, me still reaching for my chapstick or lotion, excuses always lingering.
I want to be the girl that leaps, that takes chances and rides on the seat of her pants. I want to have the blind faith in myself that I remember having decades ago; proving to myself that I didn't have to conform, that I could be me and still take care of myself.
I clearly remember when I decided that that thinking wasn't going to fly anymore, that I needed to conform in order to take care of myself. I lost faith in the person I was because that was 'impulsive', and 'not responsible', and it certainly didn't seem to pay the bills.
Slowly, now that I've accepted my retirement, (grin), and am figuring it out, (snort), I see her. I see me squished beside the paradigm of the roles I've assumed to earn a living and it feels good.
