I've been thinking a lot about perceptions. What I think, what you think...it can be a cluster fuck in my head if I let it go there. Clearly, perceptions are subjective, often opinionated, and I while I hope that I don't lean towards judgemental, sometimes it's there and if it isn't it's because I'm working at it.
I've learned that 98.5% of the time, it's not about me. If it is about me, I'm quite certain it has nothing to do with anything that I think it is and what I'm learning, (trying to learn), is that I can't control any of it.
The most common reaction I get when I say that I'm an introvert is surprise. Which surprises me, considering how shy I really am. My tendencies to skulk along walls at parties and in large groups has always been a hinderance, especially when I needed to market my acupuncturist self. It's the single biggest reason I decided to retire from practice; I'm simply not skilled in talking the talk, unless of course I feel comfortable with you and then I might not shut up.
I try to push myself outside of my insulated comfort zone but it's never easy. I hold myself responsible when things don't work out, focusing on all the ways I could have fixed the situation, made it better, stuffed my words that seem to stall that conversation back inside.
What I've learned is that I can't fix, change or work on anything other than me. There's an ebb and flow that's bigger than I imagined and I have come to appreciate all that comes and goes.
