list no. 12 :: living close to tears

 I walked a path while I was away and found a bit of myself again. 

I laughed like I haven't laughed in a long time, about stupid shit, that cracks a smile on my tired face while I write this. 

I didn't take a lot of photos, even though I carted a heavy load of cameras + film around with me. 

I packed SO efficiently! I wore just what I packed and it was the right amount and I liked everything and I didn't have a ridiculously large suitcase.

The carry-on however is another story. 

I saw family, and it was good to be with everyone under happy circumstances, and to talk about Leslie with happy stories and memories, without it feeling like a kick in the gut to hear her name.

The best part of the week was the time spent in the company of good friends.

Talking and hiking does something for your heart.

So does talking in a hot tub when it's fracking cold outside, with silly shots in a tiny glasses bought in the liquor store, and margaritas in a bottle, tart and tangy. 

Breathing in the green, oxygen inside of a forest settles my Virgo (earth sign) soul. 

So does spending an entire day in the hotel, behaving as teenaged boys will, knowing that it was exactly what we needed, (!), and making no apologies for our behavior.

Life is messy and being able to show myself and all of the icky, stressy, OCD parts of me that have turned others off, (truth), and knowing that I'm recognized and loved...that is what living close to tears is all about.