socially

Recently A deleted instagram from her phone*. It was a good thing, something I've been secretly wishing would happen for months. We'd been suggesting this happen for months, but wanted it to be her decision. 

A was rabidly intent on who was and wasn't following her. She'd found a free app that tells you who is and isn't following you, and I can understand how addictive, (and a trip down the rabbbit hole), it can be.

Of course I have the app, and it's a Pandora's Box. Seeing A's habits on instagram, I think kids do a lot more following, unfollowing, blocking and then your friends again. It's why we asked her to delete instagram. It was so stressful for me because A shares her tales of woe with me, and don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful she likes to tell me things still, but it can be exhausting**.

+++++++++++

Someone I've been connected with online socially for a few years now recently unfollowed me on instagram and it elicited a flurry of emotion. 

And then I stopped and thought about it.

That woman was honest with herself. We weren't close, in fact we weren't even acquaintances. We met a long time ago at an art retreat, exchanged a few pleasantries and that was it. 

But what about the people we consider a friend? Even loosely termed, when someone we know, (or think we know), drops us socially, what then?

I know I descend into the rabbit hole rapidly. Nothing makes me feel more like the last person picked to play four square. Rationally I know it's ridiculous, but the feelings exist and in the past, it usually took me the better part of a day to get over it.  

How to get over it.

If I had the answer to that million dollar question, oh what I could do. Mostly because I wouldn't have/continue to/hopefully not so much anymore now, waste time on shit that does not matter.

At the end of the day, that's it. It doesn't matter why this person dropped me here, that person over there, it's not about me. And if it is, who fucking cares? I certainly shouldn't. 

The only way I can teach my kid about self respect is to have it and show it myself. I have to be able to roll with the emotions that come with relationships, even fleeting. People come and go, I'm pretty sure there isn't any big significant reason why, but I do believe that we cross paths with people to learn more about ourselves. 

Whether we're open and receptive to what it is, well, that's for hindsight because I think very often when I'm in the middle of something, (perceived or otherwise), it's very hard for me to stop and think, 

huh, this is happening because...

Lately, maybe because I've finally been able to let things go, I've gotten to a place where I can say, 

I don't get why this is happening and that's ok.

*She is truly 'that kid' you read about that is affected by social media. Her grades weren't as good last year and she was majorly distracted and bored if she wasn't always connected. 

**I've already gone through middle school once before, it's tough and I don't really need to go through it again. Especially since my body is acting like a middle schooler with its last hurrah, let's show you what having your period is really about, including but not limited to: acne + wrinkles, terrible cramps, wicked PMS,  and cravings for sweet/savory/salt in lethal combinations.