walking your walk

So many things swirl through my mind and I compose these fantastic and thought provoking posts in the shower and when I'm walking Howard; fleeting instances of revelation probably best left in the ethers of my mind.

All this self reflection is a by product of my fast approaching birthday. I stand here, looking at the Kristen I was when we landed here in Los Angeles three years ago and I see a very different person. 

Three years ago, I was a lot more fear-filled. I worried incessantly about the what if's and those fears were mostly unfounded because the reality of what occurred in that first year, was a lot worse than I could have ever imagined.

I see the person I was a year after we arrived, broken and suffering; my grief so profound I still marvel that I'm here today, relatively unscathed.

Today I see a person I like, a woman who knows herself a lot better than she did a few years ago. I'm able to see the things that I need to work on very clearly, and I see all that I have to offer with a brighter beam of light.

I'm done making excuses, both for myself and for those I let into my life. We ALL have our shit and we all need people to help us and stand by us, not bring us down.

I'm learning to accept that my boundaries aren't your boundaries and that what is unacceptable to me might be your own operating system. Your way isn't better or worse, it's just not my way.