Everyone is talking Fall and back to school and I'm all wait a minute, there's still a full 4 weeks until Fall starts officially and until the September issue lands on my door step, in my mind it's still Summer.
I am getting excited about Fall if I'm being honest. I've always associated the Fall with my birthday (9.15), although technically my birthday is late, late Summer. I definitely think of September as the beginning of a new year. Obvi with back to school and all, but my birthday and Rosh Hashanah somehow make it seem like new beginnings, even though the official day for new beginnings is still months away.
I've started packing lists for Austin and Nashville and I'm looking at different things to do in Las Vegas, because that's where I plan to spend my birthday this year. M and A won't join which is sad, but it feels really important for me to do something fun and bright and exciting on this birthday.
This birthday which feels very significant even though it's not significant in that Hallmark sort of way, but significant just the same, and since my birthday falls on Sunday, it all felt a bit sad and that's not how I want this next year to begin.
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I've forgotten what a hypochondriac I used to be. Instead, I've begun to fear the doctor, pushing myself to make my annual appointments, pushing aside the dread.
I feel grateful for this life, even more so lately. The fear factor that resides in me would see this as prophecy, and yet I think it's because I'm getting older and my sister isn't. Somehow I've been spared.
My survivor guilt is less than it was, but it still exists, especially in those moments when I'm grateful and thankful and wishing that my life continues for a long time.
This birthday which feels very significant even though it's not significant in that Hallmark sort of way, but significant just the same, and since my birthday falls on Sunday, it all felt a bit sad and that's not how I want this next year to begin.
+++++++++++
I've forgotten what a hypochondriac I used to be. Instead, I've begun to fear the doctor, pushing myself to make my annual appointments, pushing aside the dread.
I feel grateful for this life, even more so lately. The fear factor that resides in me would see this as prophecy, and yet I think it's because I'm getting older and my sister isn't. Somehow I've been spared.
My survivor guilt is less than it was, but it still exists, especially in those moments when I'm grateful and thankful and wishing that my life continues for a long time.
this year feels like i'm filling up a chapbook of major transitions and it makes me feel like i'm headed downhill. fast. with no brakes. i am SO looking forward to fall. you let me know when that september issue hits. i'll exhale.
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