becoming

It's true that my body has changed this past year and for the better. I am stronger. My body has lost a few pounds and it has tightened everywhere that it counts. It's a big deal to have a familiar conversation about winter weight gain, except this year, I have nothing to say, and I marvel how far I've come.

I still have fifty year old skin. It's softer, a little crepey-er, and I still have a bit of cellulite. I don't focus on any of that because 1) it is what it is, and 2) there is so much more to be thankful for as a result of the journey, and fitting into my clothes better is a happy side note, nothing more.

Truthfully, the mind and soul portion that I've begun is what keeps me going. My moving meditation, I have experienced all the feelings in those dark rooms and it has changed me.

We ride collectively as a group. Being on the same pedal stroke, marching it out to the rhythm is one of my favorite things, and we also ride for our own, personal dreams. My one dream, my one big wish on all of those rides hasn't been financial, or career, or anything other than me, letting go. Of everything. Identifying the core emotion behind so many of the dramas I'd created/been a part of, found me looking at  my darkest parts and facing them. 

I am a warrior and I am a work in progress. I have work to do and I'm not afraid of what I don't know because I know I will get there. There's nothing I love more than losing myself, (and I'm fairly certain my hearing), in those candle-lit studios. I close my eyes, trusting my teachers when they say, "I've got you...", and I visualize what I plan to leave behind; gray, thick, cloudy, my bike cuts thru, and my heart light shines ahead.