notes on life : gratitude

I've been writing and reading lately. Writing artist statements, (I know, I know), and reading juicy novels that are basically stories of murder and mystery. 

And it's what I've mostly watched these past few months, murder and mystery, and I devour it, always have. I'm reminded that its a common thread of interest since I was a teen and found Stephen King and Anne Rice.

I'm also reminded of a lecture I once heard on inspiration and that what we're reading/watching/noting will find its way into your work, either in opposites, i.e. watching reading dark shit while shooting light/white/softness, or straight up. Since I'm not shooting much, I'm not particularly worried. Or maybe I've murdered my practice...

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I wonder how many other people have tiny holes in the back of their clothing, nicked while removing yet another scratchy, unbearable, label. It has happened so many times in my life that I don't even get angry any longer, nor do I attempt repair. 

Chances are, I will spill some tiny little drop of tea or coffee on it, a drop of dressing, a spot of something strategically placed, sending another article of clothing, (very often new), to charity.

I don't spend more than $20 on any article of white clothing, and I try to not spend too much on anything knowing that I am fumble-y and I spill. 

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The end of June finds our fifth anniversary of living here in Los Angeles on the same day that we will celebrate twenty years of being together. It's not our wedding anniversary, (that's August), rather it's the date of our first date, (which was blind), and we've always celebrated.

It's taken this long for me to feel at home here, even though its where I grew up and is the place I called home when I lived back east. 

So many changes took place, its taken me this long to feel as though I'm finding my bearings. It's tender and tenuous and as I'm so fond of saying, a work in progress.

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I am stronger on my rides. I feel powerful, and at the end, when we are taking our collective breathe, I always offer thanks to my body and breathe for the journey. I am grateful.