I come from a place of not believing in myself, of trying to please everyone else first, and finally, it was time for the monkey dance to stop.
I see that a lot of my struggles stem from poor boundaries. I see that it has always been a bigger issue than I've made it/thought it was. I see that despite that truth, the work I've done to dig deep and excavate a few layers from the core is beginning to help me put solid boundaries into place. It's not easy but it's getting easier.
I love who I am becoming, and I understand implicitly that that is the only way to be truly loved.
I trust that all the paths I chose/have chosen have been right for that moment, especially the painful ones.
I believe in love.
I find myself (again and again), when I clip onto a bike, follow my breathe and the rhythm, and I begin.
I wonder what miss A will be like when she returns from a month of summer camp. I can hear a different person on the other end of the phone, more mature and assured, and I'm looking forward to seeing her.
I found out that sometimes I really do practice what I preach when I chose to not engage in a recent trash talking session with a group of friends, about a mutual friend. I'm pretty sure I shut the conversation down by not participating, and by being awkwardly silent, (purposefully), even though I'd been a participant at the event that was being spoken of. It sort of sucks that I don't like my friend as much because of it, and it explains a lot about myself a year ago when I would engage in gossipy bullshit. I might have found out the hard way, but it's awesome to see that I actually fucking learned something for once, (!!), and to witness how far I've come.
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