notes on life : carrier

As I've mentioned, I'm working on establishing better boundaries in my life. I think about the roles I've played, and I often come back to the word 'repository', even though technically, it's the wrong use of the word. 

Sometimes I think 'dump truck' but that's my negative brain and I try to quell that wicked train of thought whenever possible.

The point I'm getting to is that I am a carrier. People tell me things. About themselves. About others. I don't share what I hear, (because their stories aren't mine to tell), but I carry the stories and because of that people dump their stories onto me.

It was one of my super powers as an acupuncturist, listening to the telling, and it was a key deciding factor when I decided to retire from practice. 

I realized after my sister passed that I had shaky boundaries and that I wouldn't be able to hear others stories without taking it on. It was enlightening actually, I finally had a 'reason' that I couldn't practice. This knowledge that I wasn't able to practice any longer was something I'd struggled to articulate for months without being able to say why.  

I've also realized how guarded insulated I've made myself. I mean I knew I was in protection mode, but I see now that I went over board. I became so overly-protected in my invisible cocoon I forgot to make eye holes. 

My silken restraints are loosening. My heart is opening and I'm rewriting my soundtrack. Gone are the naysayers and the false support fronting as something else. 

This song says it all.