notes on life : what i know

I've learned a few things about myself. 

The answer would be yes, quite a few of these things that I've learned have been via the hard way, and that's ok, because I don't hold grudges and I have very few regrets. 

Many of these truths are shallow, or seemingly so, because they focus on beauty and maintenance, and yes, caring about how one looks isn't the most important thing. 

But feeling good about oneself is one of the most important things, no matter how you get there. And for me, part of feeling good about myself includes makeup and hair; clothing and exercise. 

This past year, I became very clear on my personal style aesthetic. I've honed my wardrobe, (including workout gear), and while I've made great strides, there is still work to be done. Namely, more purging and streamlining. 

I've got a bag of shoes and boots, (and a couple purses), that are ready to go to the shop, hopefully to make a bit of money back, but the motivation here is to continually de-clutter and downsize.

On a deeper level, the more I work on myself, the more I see how tightly wound and seemingly secure I've made my cocoon. I know the reasons why that cocoon seemed so important, because now those reasons are outdated and no longer apply. 

I learned how to give myself a break, and especially how to forgive myself. Not the absolution type of forgiveness, where all is neatly tied into a box and packed away, but a compassionate forgiveness that I am human and flawed and lovable despite and because of that. 

With focused determination, so much sweat and all of the tears, I logged a lot of miles on  a bike going nowhere, and I've arrived at a place of acceptance and willingness.

I have relinquished the idea without my usual lip service, (because I'm finally beginning to get it), that I have no control over anything. 

It's a choice and a privilege to appreciate and embrace what I have right now.