go with...

This past year I also chose words to accompany my word for the year. I even wrote them on the first page of my journal, making it official of course; a quadrant of helpers, guides to direct and reinforce. 

Looking at the four words that I chose in January, I decided to dig a little further and see whether the words had other meanings, (read: looking for meaning in my life much?), turning to my favorite resource of all time: the thesaurus. 

Here's what I found:

Muted and subdued as alternatives to the word soft. I've tried very hard to lower the volume. Not just music, (which I still listen to very loud in the car), but voices. I'm tired of raised voices, especially those raised in anger or when discussing something uncomfortable. My kid wants to yell when she's frustrated and being twelve is very frustrating, and you see where I'm going with this. 

I'm trying very hard to lead by example, especially when she's pushing every button and fiber of my existence, and as you can imagine, there are many times that I fail. Being more aware does afford me more moments than not these days when I don't yell, when I can redirect the volume so that the anger can be diffused. 

And then of course there's the muted and subdued palette I've noticed in my work lately. I've been attracted to colors that are less saturated, possibly as an anecdote to the bright and harsh light that is Los Angeles. I've been thinking a lot about the work of the painters Robert Ryman and Edward Hopper. I wish I could see the Balthus show in New York.

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Susceptible to. Well fuck. There isn't a lot to say about this phrase to describe the word vulnerable. I'll leave it at that.

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Compassionate, sympathetic, understanding,  all lovely stand-ins for gentle. Good words to live by as a general rule, collectively and alone. I think there's an arsenal of magic in these words, especially in remembering them.

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Pliable, supple, durable in place of resilient. These words operate on four equal planes; a playing card with matching handfuls of Play-Doh, to work with. Malleable, able to roll with the punches.