i am :: patterns

I am going to Austin City Limits!! I'm still pinching myself as the lineup is out of this world. I'm going to see The Cure finally, and well, all the others, (hi Queens of the Stone Age, Depeche Mode, Muse, and Lionel fucking Ritchie to name a few).

I come from what I thought was a period of stagnation. Turns out it was more of a gestation period. 

I see my brave little dog lying in his little bed, his poor little head propped up in a cone of shame. (he was neutered today.)

I love that the days are longer.

I trust that it is what it is.

I believe in that what I have to offer as a friend is worthy. And that I deserve better than what I've allowed to pass under the radar, stuffing away the hurt feelings that accompany.

I find myself drawn to horseback riding lessons. Which is just ridiculous, because I'm a bit frightened of horses, but not as much as I am of the ocean and all the creatures that live there. What I find myself yearning for is movement that is more than just me moving my body. Surfing. Horseback riding. Ocean kayaking. I want to glide.

I wonder why the hell I chose to see if my land camera was working with the beautiful, gifted pack of expired Polaroid film, when I could have chosen the Fuji film that is still made and highly accessible. 

I found out that yes, the batteries were old and the camera won't work properly without functioning batteries. And yes, that pack of film is now ruined.

I call in and upon patience, (a common answer here), because friends, it is trying to be the mother to a twelve year old girl. She's lovely and amazing, and she can be very fresh, almost caustic, and it sets my blood boiling. I wish it wouldn't, I try to control myself, and lately, I have failed quite a bit. Every day is a new one, thankfully.