repeat, part two

This time with The Artist Way I was surprised how cornball the quotes felt because I remembered them as inspirational from my first go.

That's not to say that I wasn't inspired, (because I was), but the quotes didn't often resonate and there were times that I truly felt the book had been revised; so much of what I read wasn't what I took away the last time.

That's the best part I think, realizing that this round was so different from the last. Even without a tangible outcome, (or evidence that it was different because I threw out my first copy of the book when we moved), my experience was important.

I'm more grounded and focused. I'm also confronting feelings I've stuffed away for a few years, which I now recognize as self preservation. There's only so much a girl can handle, and The Artist Way gave me the permission to use my tools to clear my cluttered emotions.

I see now that my coping mechanism is to store my sorrow and heartache when the capacity has reached overflow. I was thinking in the shower this morning about therapy and the various times in my life I've used its tools to get through a rough patch.

And I suddenly understood, (don't you have epiphanies in the shower? it's where i do my best thinking...), that there are instances and occurrences in my lifetime that can't be therapized or condensed into a sweet container. 

It's like the t-shirt Leslie bought us because she said I said it all the time,

it is what it is 

and for me, that's all it ever is. 

This is what I know. Write in my journal. Move my body. Drink a lot of water and take my vitamins. When I'm doing these things everyday, my days are full of ease. 

Somehow, I needed a way to give myself a break. Working through that book gave me the permission that I wouldn't give myself and finally, there is a reprieve.