I was reading an article recently about gossip, how it creates a sense of community, and an internal dialog has played around in my head ever since.
Those instances when I have a desire to talk shit about someone I try to ask myself what the motivation is: am I looking for community when I'm ready to throw someone under the bus?
And the answer is...mostly, yes.
Gossiping invites a feeling of inclusion. As the giver, there's a need to fulfill, (I believe not always intentional), whether it's to draw another person closer, or to make your own self feel better. (The later is usually my M.O.)
As the receiver you're in on the secret; privy to knowledge that others don't know, and inherently that feels good.
Most people won't admit to being into gossip. Or there's a dismissal and backpedaling that happens; justification that your special brand of talking shit isn't really talking shit. (Guilty as charged.)
Gossiping invites a feeling of inclusion. As the giver, there's a need to fulfill, (I believe not always intentional), whether it's to draw another person closer, or to make your own self feel better. (The later is usually my M.O.)
As the receiver you're in on the secret; privy to knowledge that others don't know, and inherently that feels good.
Most people won't admit to being into gossip. Or there's a dismissal and backpedaling that happens; justification that your special brand of talking shit isn't really talking shit. (Guilty as charged.)
I've heard best friends throw their closest person under a bus that goes back and forth and back again. I've had plenty of my own, petty, rants supported, only later, to see my supporters 'liking' and commenting through social media with the person I'd just pillaged.
I've come to believe that being the giver or receiver of someone else's business is crap. Lately, that idea has almost always been the impetus for me to stop myself from beginning or engaging in a gossip session. Emphasis on almost always, I've also discovered that this old habit is hard to break.
If I've learned nothing else in the past year it is this: staying in my own business and out of everyone else's, is the best business I can be in.
If I've learned nothing else in the past year it is this: staying in my own business and out of everyone else's, is the best business I can be in.
Yes yes and yes. Guilty as charged and also making a primary goal this year to break the habit. It's really very hard to say,'I don't want to have this conversation.' Whether that be with yourself or someone else. Especially when - as I am - you are quick to blow a fuse over some perceived slight. I'm one of those people who explodes, rants, judges..and then it's done and, in my head, forgotten/forgiven. But the energy is out there, all yucky and sticky. Crap indeed.
ReplyDelete