I think about NYC and how it holds my heart, even as I extol L.A. for all that it offers. Everything that New York is Los Angeles isn't, and that is the foundation my curiosity latched upon when I first visited NYC after high school graduation. My sister said when I returned I'd decided that I'd live there one day, (I don't remember that), although I did have a burning love for anything to do with the Big Apple.
I was enthralled by the history seeping from the brick and mortar. Corridors of light and people, the sheer volume of the city vibrated my soul. When I finally moved, even though my life there was much harder than I anticipated and also a bit of a shock, I loved it. And continued to love it for the entire decade I resided in NYC, and my mourning began, the day we decided to move across the river. It's no coincidence that I had my first panic attack the day I boarded a train for New Jersey, leaving behind all that was familiar. The close proximity to city life shined on the vast difference that our life became in our suburban oasis and it changed me.
When we decided to leave we began to weigh our options: back to the city? Los Angeles? I would have moved back to the city if M and A had any desire, and for very different, yet specific reasons, neither was so inclined, and here we are.
We are happy here, certainly happier than we were in NJ, and most likely happier than if we'd moved back to the city clouded by my rose colored glasses. I see M and A thriving and it does me good to not have to worry about their transition. In my floating, I don't know what the fuck to do state, I know that being here in California is part of what saves me. It's hard to despair when the skies are blue and I know for certain that my own case of the blues, even the mean reds, are weakened by all this sunshine. It's a fact.
In just about a week we go. I'm excited and anxious and I want to make sure I get to everything. The stakes feel high because I've been away long enough now to know that when I'm depleted, the spirit of Manhattan is the supplement I need.
I was enthralled by the history seeping from the brick and mortar. Corridors of light and people, the sheer volume of the city vibrated my soul. When I finally moved, even though my life there was much harder than I anticipated and also a bit of a shock, I loved it. And continued to love it for the entire decade I resided in NYC, and my mourning began, the day we decided to move across the river. It's no coincidence that I had my first panic attack the day I boarded a train for New Jersey, leaving behind all that was familiar. The close proximity to city life shined on the vast difference that our life became in our suburban oasis and it changed me.
When we decided to leave we began to weigh our options: back to the city? Los Angeles? I would have moved back to the city if M and A had any desire, and for very different, yet specific reasons, neither was so inclined, and here we are.
We are happy here, certainly happier than we were in NJ, and most likely happier than if we'd moved back to the city clouded by my rose colored glasses. I see M and A thriving and it does me good to not have to worry about their transition. In my floating, I don't know what the fuck to do state, I know that being here in California is part of what saves me. It's hard to despair when the skies are blue and I know for certain that my own case of the blues, even the mean reds, are weakened by all this sunshine. It's a fact.
In just about a week we go. I'm excited and anxious and I want to make sure I get to everything. The stakes feel high because I've been away long enough now to know that when I'm depleted, the spirit of Manhattan is the supplement I need.
The blue skies and sunshine are definitely what saves me here sometimes. And that's part of the reason we moved out here; we needed more sunshine. Now if only I had an ocean as well...
ReplyDeleteHappy travels! Say hello to the Big City for me. :)
just keep on floating... and have fun xx
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