My birthday is a month away, a day that I've though a lot about over the last five years.
I had big ideas and dreams about what I'd want to do on that day, and that has changed into a decision that feels good. Honest.
I'm happy to have pushed aside the party plans and the mini vacations I thought I wanted, instead choosing the DSLR that I have coveted for years.
I think back to last year and what I hoped to accomplish, and wow. I've learned so much about the fine art photography world. From September to April it was busy! An immersion course, I saturated every cell with making and learning.
And then I took a break. I didn't realize I was taking one, instead from the position of hindsight, I see now that I needed to take a break from the making and let it all sink in.
I feel really clear about my path as an artist right now, feel confident when I declare myself as such, and that feels good.*
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I'd have never believed that I'd have an exercise plan in place that inspires me. That I'd stick with something for 6 months solid; no excuses, just consistency.
My body is at a place that I didn't think I'd ever see again and I was ok with that. I've learned how to fuel myself properly, and I look forward to my workouts each week.
I still love to sit on my booty, drinking tea and/or coffee, reading or watching something, and I still have to talk myself into actually being excited about the gym. It feels enough that I'm excited about my rides and that being strong there is a reason to push through the lazy on gym days.
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I am in awe that I am here now frankly. I have lifted myself from a place of darkness, strengthened by my core desires and the knowledge that I am enough for me.
It hasn't been easy. In fact the emotions that have travelled my body in a well worn path for decades are still there, but different. Muted, softened, and sometimes even released.
*Which is ironic if you know about my experiences with immigration this summer. Oy!
