I am grateful for this life and all that it brings/has brought/will bring.
I come from a place of being uncomfortable saying my age, to standing strong and proud that I'm almost 50.
I see very clearly how far I've come since last Fall.
I love where I am right now. I love the scar on my lower abdomen, the one that has a bit of numbed skin where it was cut 13 years ago, the one that allowed our girl to be born healthy, the one that I've always hated because I don't want to hate on myself any longer. I love my tattoos. I love the color of my hair and I love my girl Nicole that makes it that way. I love that I've honed in on my style statement and my core desired feelings and that I have been able to streamline my life to reflect these elements. I love that I feel good.
I trust that everything that has come to pass in the past year was necessary, even the pain. I don't subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason, but I do believe, (and trust), that everything that comes my way is an opportunity to grow, and that I am strong enough to endure.
I believe in myself.
I find myself stronger every week, with each ride that I take. I wonder who I am sometimes, this girl that is so dedicated to moving and sweating. I had a goal to be happy with my naked self on my 50th birthday and I've worked hard to make that happen. And the truth is, that I didn't believe that I could. I've shown up and I continue to show up for myself and it's empowering.
I wonder far too often, why. I often tell myself, (and others have as well), that I need to get over it, and wonder if/when I will. I wonder why I still care.
I found out a lot about myself this past year. There have been a lot of moments of ick, of acknowledging the less than savory aspects of myself and then feeling sorry for myself. And there have been some real break throughs; clarity and self awareness shining when I needed it the most. I found out that by showing up for myself everyday is the best self care I have to offer.
I call on these words daily: lightness in your body, grace in your heart.
