Self-doubt is a curious thing. There is the obvious; those insecurities that are worn on your sleeve, the hot buttons that are recognizable.
But what about the self-doubt that is more insidious? The furtive ways that self-doubt becomes sabotage; when you've let yourself slip away without even knowing you're gone.
And then you wake up.
Looking over your shoulder with a look of shock upon your face: holy shit, did you see that?
Because that's how it feels, this awakening. It's as though I've been in a fugue state for the past eleven weeks. When I walked through the door of my review class I surrendered myself and threw down the white flag before I'd even begun. I walked into that class room and everything that's occurred from then until now; every interaction and decision I've made has been the opposite of what I usually do which is rely on myself and go it alone.
I've had this amnesia-like ability to talk myself into bad decisions and I've talked myself out of every gut instinct reaction I've had.
I've been certain that everyone else knows better, (and more), than me. I've forgotten to trust myself; forgotten my strengths and allowed myself to believe in others instead of myself.
