I've been in the grips, (literally), of self doubt for months now. The day I walked through the door of my review class, I gave away my power and in the following months, I set out to prove that to myself. Not consciously of course, but the path that I've walked to this point has been one that I wouldn't wish on my nemesis.
This weekend I came to a few, big realizations. Nothing new really; but profound in the way that big change can be. What's interesting is that through the tears and the belief that I was going to quit, I came back to me. And in doing so, I realized that losing myself has impacted everything. I've given away too much of myself; said yes to things that I know now I shouldn't have agreed to, because I was in a place of self-loathing.
I'm not a quitter and I've never operated from a place of fear. I've always been the girl that said, "fuck it..." and I was clear. A consistent case of heavy, heavy shit that fell onto our plates in 2010, allowed me to be consumed by my neurosis; allowing fear to replace confidence and the trust that I've always had in myself.
If I give up now, than fear wins. And what have I got to lose? If I quit now, I'll be consumed by the woulda, coulda, shoulda's and the one thing I know to be true, is that I don't want to live with regret.
Quitting means fear wins. And it's always been my belief that it's better to regret something I've done, than to regret never trying.
