I am very much a girl that likes to watch. Behind the scene, behind my camera...I'm more comfortable when I'm not in the spotlight, the center of attention.
In this position, I often find myself on the outside looking in, which can be lonely and isolating and insightful. Because what you see is what you get. I'm the girl that wears her heart on her sleeve and because I'm enthusiastic and excited, I often lose sight of what is right in front of me. Even when my gut is telling me my truth, more often than not, I talk myself out of good decisions and gut reactions; downplaying what I know because I don't want the truth to be the truth, if that makes any sense.
I'm loyal when I believe in something, (someone), and often stick around when I should have bailed. My super power, survival instinct is such that I gloss over the facts. I'm really good at sugar coating what went down so that my heart hurts a little less, so that I can see the situation with a cup half full. Always half full.
And then there are those moments of clarity. Those instances where I can't deny what I know, can't talk myself into the Pollyanna. When I find myself here, the mourning process begins.
Within the sad, there is a shining brightness that I go to. Because the hard times, the things that have gone down that aren't my story to tell, means a better understanding of self.
It's momentum that I crave and being propelled forward I grow.
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