I was thinking about this post, and yes, while it's fairly fantastic that the fog has cleared, that was a few months back now, and really, if I'm truly honest with myself, the work has just begun.
I've been working hard to change the stories I tell myself, about myself, because the common theme is very often victim, with equal parts of anger and shame, and it is exhausting. That's what happens when you crack into the shit, finally. And it's fucking hard when what you know is embedded in stone; that vein runs deep and now that it's cracked open, how does all of that raw become polished?
Not in a hey, look over here, deflecting sort of shine, but instead, a polished version of how I speak to myself and portray myself in the stories I keep.
That's the big secret I think, learning to tell my stories in a new language. One that isn't draped in shame, but bears light on each situation, good and bad.
For so long now I've sent my crap far below where everything smolders and stews in my searing, glowering, internal boiler room. I want to feel less anger, especially anger that lingers. I want to be able to feel and experience the uncomfortable/icky/negative in the moment, and then I want to be able to let it go to a healthier place.
I've been working hard to change the stories I tell myself, about myself, because the common theme is very often victim, with equal parts of anger and shame, and it is exhausting. That's what happens when you crack into the shit, finally. And it's fucking hard when what you know is embedded in stone; that vein runs deep and now that it's cracked open, how does all of that raw become polished?
Not in a hey, look over here, deflecting sort of shine, but instead, a polished version of how I speak to myself and portray myself in the stories I keep.
That's the big secret I think, learning to tell my stories in a new language. One that isn't draped in shame, but bears light on each situation, good and bad.
For so long now I've sent my crap far below where everything smolders and stews in my searing, glowering, internal boiler room. I want to feel less anger, especially anger that lingers. I want to be able to feel and experience the uncomfortable/icky/negative in the moment, and then I want to be able to let it go to a healthier place.
