Mercury is going retrograde starting tomorrow, for a time period that I can't recall, as it was part of a focused, (Virgo), weekly horoscope I subscribe to.
If you read horoscopes you know that things can be exacerbating when Mercury goes retrograde; fumbly and annoying, and testy.
Of late I've been extremely conscious of trying very hard,(because it is hard for me), to not work myself up about things. Nothing good comes from it, and while I've been aware of this behavior for as long as I can remember, citing it as one of my quirks, it no longer serves me.
The stories I've told myself are the gremlins that have shadowed my every move; encouraging moments of insecurity and self-doubt that have crippled me. And I never knew because those stories that have held me captive are ages old.
I'm learning to accept the things about myself that have always felt shameful. And I'm learning to set boundaries and encouraging people and situations into my life that accept me as I am.
- I am sensitive. And anxious. And sometimes I'm tightly wound.
- I can be claustrophobic, which translates to needing a lot of personal space. It's not personal, it really is about me.
- I've been called princess and difficult and many other names and it's ok because it's not my problem to fix.
- I love to travel with friends and groups, but I need my own room. I need alone time to rebalance and center again and I'm done making excuses or making other people feel ok about my decision.
- I am a pain in the ass about driving, especially because I know scare people when I drive. I like to have a car because I need to know that I can escape when necessary.
- A car, (my own or a rental), has been my saving grace and sanctuary when I've traveled in groups and haven't had my own room.
- In a complete non sequitur, a photo series I'm working on has a huge element about cars and driving and it has felt like a self portrait project but I couldn't figure out the tie-in...
So yeah, Mercury.
What I'm saying to myself right now: Big breathe. Go gently, and do no harm.
