Lately, I've been thinking about personal power and how easily I gave mine away.
I know the exact moment when it happened, that morning is clearly and distinctly etched into my memory as a 'pivotal moment'. Of course this recognition is much after the fact. I certainly wasn't, (although I aspire to being so), that perceptive about my life as it was/is happening.
The day I gave away my power was the day I decided to believe every last crap idea/thought/moment that had ever passed through my conscious, proving how small I'd become.
I believed that everyone around me, (that fateful day it happened to be a review class), in that classroom, was ______ than me. Because I'd been seeking confirmation of my very small stature, (and apparently for a long time), I found situations and people and just about everything I could sink myself into, to prove what I seemingly, inherently knew.
In allowing my power to seep outside of me, I let go of intuition and reasoning. I became malleable and impressionable. I believed that what I was receiving and drawing into my life was what I deserved. I'd kept all of that at bay for so long, when the gates were broken down, the flood came rushing in.
And just as quickly, and it's no irony that it was also in a classroom, I found my power once again. Ok, it wasn't lickety split. In total, it was three long and very impacted years. It felt like a fog had lifted so quickly and clearly, I was almost startled to recognize it as so.
There wasn't anything in that lecture that I hadn't heard before. And yet, those images and the stories I heard had a profound impact on me. Truthfully, I'm not certain I even got the point of the lecture because I'd tuned into my own sudden revelation and that's where I rode the rest of the evening.
I am forever grateful for those moments when there was nothing left but to pick myself up, dust off the ash and begin again. At the time I couldn't bear the weight of it all. In what I now see as quite dramatic, but at the time felt pandemic, there was a need for the destruction of my belief system so that I could arrive here. Now.
And just as quickly, and it's no irony that it was also in a classroom, I found my power once again. Ok, it wasn't lickety split. In total, it was three long and very impacted years. It felt like a fog had lifted so quickly and clearly, I was almost startled to recognize it as so.
There wasn't anything in that lecture that I hadn't heard before. And yet, those images and the stories I heard had a profound impact on me. Truthfully, I'm not certain I even got the point of the lecture because I'd tuned into my own sudden revelation and that's where I rode the rest of the evening.
I am forever grateful for those moments when there was nothing left but to pick myself up, dust off the ash and begin again. At the time I couldn't bear the weight of it all. In what I now see as quite dramatic, but at the time felt pandemic, there was a need for the destruction of my belief system so that I could arrive here. Now.
