notes on life : it's not just a river

I think about denial and all the different ways I've fooled myself. 

Up until very recently, I believed that I didn't perceive myself as the victim, and I was very clear that everyone else involved did see themselves as such. 

There I was, standing in the center of everyone else's business, unable to recognize that I'd cloaked my own victim status in anger and misguided feelings, believing that I'd walked away wounded yes, but solid.

I suppose we all do what we need to do, as we operate to the best of our ability in difficult situations. While I remain clear and solid, I am also able to see that despite my ability to speak truthfully and without making it personal, I still had/have work to do surrounding blame.

Accepting responsibility is half of it. Discovering that there is residual blame lingering, that I'd made myself into a warrior-martyr is revelatory. 

Judgement has many faces and I am grateful and humbled. Each layer that I peel away creates more space in my heart to let my light shine. 

This year has been about release, (my word for the year), and letting go.