My girl goes to sleep away camp this Friday for three weeks. No electronic devices are allowed, (a good thing), and we will only speak once a week. Even as I write this, there's a pit in my stomach. I keep joking that she'll fly and I'll cry, but we all know the joke's on me.
She went out of town with a friend for the Fourth. She was gone four days and while I didn't want her to go, (especially since she'll be gone for three weeks), but that was the only reason to say no, and it didn't seem like a good enough reason.
She's at an age now where she'll be gone more and more. It's a good lesson for me, to realize that it's time to start cutting the ties and letting this kid of mine/ours fly.
The mister, he's better about all of it. That's not to say he won't miss her terribly because I know he will. It's just that he is more practical about these things and of course, since my job has been this kid for the past 13 years it will affect me more.
I've realized very quickly, that this is foreshadowing and a good exercise for when miss A goes to college. I know I'm getting ahead of myself a little here, but we've lived in California for four years already, (and it hardly seems like it has been a year), so I know the five years my girl has left before college will go in the blink of an eye.
And in the above realization I know this: I need to figure out very quickly what it is I'm going to do with myself. I'm a working girl. This four year hiatus has been as much about settling and learning about myself; grieving, and then finding myself again by coming up on the other side.
I know myself better now, and even though I'm not sure what I want to do, I know it will involved Chinese Medicine in some capacity, even as I continue to evolve as a fine art photographer. Photography and art are my passion and soul, but I need to feel useful and I've always found that through working outside of our home.
I don't have the answers, but I do have a game plan. Steady, solid steps to get me to a place where I can find answers and make decisions and it is that forward momentum that I work for.
