I think about myself one year ago, setting my intentions for the new year as my 49th birthday approached.
Maybe it's the school year thing, (and it fits perfectly with the Jewish calendar), but I've always thought of September as the beginning of the new year. In recent years, I've solidified my thoughts and my word in January, but the foundation has been laid months before.
For my 49th birthday I wanted to set a year full of fun. I went to Vegas with friends and it was a good time. I would not say that this past year was 'fun'. In fact, I'd say it was the opposite, and going forward I will not be making such general declarations about how I want my year to be. I take 'be careful what you wish for...' to heart, and think it's better for me to be open to the possibility of everything that life sends my way.
In the past year I've learned that I'm strong. I'd buried my strength for a long time and I looked for it outside of myself; surrounding myself with people that seemed stronger than I felt, that would be able to give me what I couldn't give myself.
M and I talk about me and what my future looks like. He's the first person to call me on my shit and he's helped me to take a good look at myself, especially where I've been. That path is very clear and it has been good to look at all I've accomplished, without comparing to what I lost.
And really, I don't know why I've held on so dearly other than I don't accept change readily and I guess I felt like I needed something to hold on to. Even though it was already gone, wistful and reverie are pretty words to lose oneself in.
M and I talk about me and what my future looks like. He's the first person to call me on my shit and he's helped me to take a good look at myself, especially where I've been. That path is very clear and it has been good to look at all I've accomplished, without comparing to what I lost.
And really, I don't know why I've held on so dearly other than I don't accept change readily and I guess I felt like I needed something to hold on to. Even though it was already gone, wistful and reverie are pretty words to lose oneself in.
