I'd bought the book we're working through when it first came out. A long time fan of Brene, of course this book was for me, I am a living breathing image of imperfection and I devoured the book.
A couple years later I can't recall a word of the book this second time around. The only indication that I really did read this book are the dog-eared pages I come across. (And not at all the pages I want to mark or would mark now.)
Two weeks in, this is where I am and these are the words I'm working with:
In order to deal with shame, some of us move away by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves. Some of us move toward by seeing to appease and please. And, some of us move against by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive, and by using shame to fight shame.
The biggest understanding here is that we all use these protection devices at different times with different people and that it moves us away from our truth.
It's very easy to fall into the blame game and I realize now that it's a huge trigger for me. I hate it. It's the chicken shit way out and the only reason I know this is because I tried to use it a lot as a kid.
My sister was a tattletale. Maybe because she was younger, (I'm sure it was because I was doing something worth telling on), and I always wanted my sister to take the brunt of the punishment, or at least a portion. As the eldest it was often my responsibility to suck it up and lead by example. Trust me, I learned the hard way that taking responsibility and dealing with the consequences was the easier route.
My sister was a tattletale. Maybe because she was younger, (I'm sure it was because I was doing something worth telling on), and I always wanted my sister to take the brunt of the punishment, or at least a portion. As the eldest it was often my responsibility to suck it up and lead by example. Trust me, I learned the hard way that taking responsibility and dealing with the consequences was the easier route.
There are patterns in my life that I'm working on. And while I'm focused, ultimately they are the patterns unique to me and what I'm working towards are more appropriate tools to dealing with them.
I've considered what I want to get out of this course, and very simply it's this:
I want to see my imperfections as gifts and truly embrace who I am, despite and especially, because of it all.
