I've been around the blogging world long enough to know that I'm not alone when I speak about the friendships that have come and gone.
I feel responsible for all that have gone in my life and it's probably not an exaggeration. I know for a fact that I had no business beginning new relationships when we first moved here. All that change, my sister's passing...I walked into new relationships like a ticking bomb and those that I did make were fleeting.
Then there are the others. The long-standing friends left behind on the East Coast; the childhood friends that are now an everyday presence instead of someone I see a couple times a year.
I have a friend who has a left hand theory. The left hand, five fingers, are for the people that matter, (family excluded), and the other hand is for everyone else.
There was a time when it was hard to decide because there were enough people in my life that I could count on. Nowadays my left hand isn't full and while I take the burden of responsibility, (fatally flawed, walled and closed, the list continues), I know rationally that it isn't true.
Standing on this side of the pain, (and self pity, because there's been a lot of that too), I see me, for all that I am.
Imperfect. And enough.
