I've been working diligently and faithfully towards the goal of completed portfolios|bodies of work|series. I'm meeting like-minded folk in my classes and I'm going through the process and learning the steps involved.
There's the business of art and photography, much like there's the business of anything that you're doing/making/working on, monetized or not.
As a self employed individual these last 15 years, I'm here to say that the whole business of being in business? It's not my strong suit.
I might be the worst possible self promoter. Put me in front of a room and I will make everyone uncomfortable as I squirm about, my voice quivering, my mouth thick and ashy.
And it has been such a long time since I've been an employee, I'm quite certain that wouldn't be great either.
I'm fortunate that my job is taking care of my kid and that my photography is something I can work on without any pressure to make money. I say my thank you's daily and do not ever take this time for granted nor do I waste it.*
Once the work is complete, then what? I'm not sure. I don't know if I'm cut out for a portfolio review, I worry that I might burst into tears.
And really, I'm not sure my work is at that point. Which is likely an excuse because I don't feel ready and that's ok. I'm also accepting of the truth that I can't possibly know how I'll feel when the work is done and worrying about its outcome is counter productive. I just need to keep making work.
I will concede that there is something to shooting digitally. Film is expensive and to make work that means something to me, (other than a pretty picture which has value too), I have to shoot a lot. And as we all know, film can be cost prohibitive. I'm not giving any of that up, but it's fun to shoot this current project with my digital beast because it challenges and intimidates me.
This year, I'm all about releasing the bullshit stories I attach to situations that make me uncomfortable. As much as I'd like to believe that I don't woulda, coulda, shoulda, I'm seeing that I do. A lota. It's subtle and insidious and I'm ready for another story because this tale has become old.
*although i have been told in so many words by people that shouldn't have shit to say because they aren't my husband or child that the way i use my time isn't productive. good to know.
